An incident today reminded me of an email I wrote (exactly) one year ago. I was reading WinInfo Daily Update SHORT TAKES, and had the sudden inspiration to write a very non-characteristic anti-Microsoft funny story and sent to Paul Thurrott who reportedly "spit coffee all over his monitor". This is my only anti-Microsoft story ever, so I thought I might as well immortalize it in public.
To give you some background in case you don't remember that SHORT TAKES, here's the truncated version:
WinInfo Daily Update Short Takes August 5, 2005
==== Short Takes Blog ====
by Paul Thurrott
It's been quite a week. Thanks to the release of Windows Vista Beta 1 last week, I've been inundated with email messages, many of which I haven't been able to reply to yet. I'll keep trying. But summer is usually a slow time, and as I've mentioned before, my family tries to spend as much time as possible at the beach during July and August. I wonder how ridiculous I'd look sitting on the beach with a laptop.
I expected that my Vista Beta 1 coverage would generate a lot of activity--and it did--but one thing that really took me by surprise was the reaction to my "Boycott IE" comments in an otherwise pretty mundane article about Microsoft Internet Explorer (IE) 7.0 Web standards support. I told Microsoft's Gary Schare and Chris Wilson that I frequently don't think through the effects my words can have. I know that sounds disingenuous, but it's true. I honestly thought nothing of the article; I've been recommending Firefox over IE for years. My mistake. Apparently, I'm leading a crusade now. Note to self: Think, then write.
On a related note, on Tuesday a minor post on my personal blog, the Internet Nexus, brought Microsoft down on me like a lead hammer. This incident, too, was completely unexpected. I can't discuss the post per se, but I will discuss Microsoft's interaction with me during this event because it was so silly. After demanding that I remove the post, which appears on a free blog read by about 12 people, I was told that I had violated a nondisclosure agreement (NDA--I hadn't) and that the information I had posted--in all its vagueness--was a Microsoft trade secret. I was also told that various people at Microsoft were "very upset" with me, although none of them contacted me directly. And yes, they have my phone number. So... I'm not sure what all this means. But like I said, it was quite a week.
==== Short Takes ====
An irreverent look at some of the week's other stories, by Paul Thurrott
Windows Vista Hasn't Slipped to Late 2006
I love the media--and not because I have the dubious distinction of living within its outer fringes. This week, I saw several reports noting that the release of Windows Vista had slipped yet again, this time to late 2006. I'm particularly amazed at the lack of research that went into those reports. At the annual Microsoft Financial Analysts Meeting a week ago, Microsoft Senior Vice President Will Poole noted that Vista won't ship until holiday season 2006, which places the release in the October 2006 to December 2006 time frame--exactly when the company said the OS would ship the last time it publicly discussed the date. However, some people saw this announcement as a slip from the "second half of 2006" time frame the company has also mentioned. News
flash: Vista has been expected in late 2006 for quite a while now. This "news" isn't new.
Download IE 7.0
Although Microsoft intended to ship Microsoft Internet Explorer (IE) 7.0 Beta 1 only to private beta testers and Microsoft Developer Network
(MSDN) and TechNet subscribers, the browser began appearing on a variety of download sites this week, and Microsoft doesn't seem to be doing anything to stop the downloads. So if you're really interested in getting IE 7.0 Beta 1, here's your chance. Just don't say I didn't warn you. The browser overwrites IE 6.0, is buggy, and has compatibility problems with certain plug-ins. Still interested? OK; go nuts.
http://list.windowsitpro.com/t?ctl=10337:25693
First Windows Vista Virus Appears
Just a week after Microsoft shipped Vista Beta 1 to the world, the fledgling OS has been blessed with its first virus. OK, maybe blessed isn't the right word. (Come on, Paul. Think, then write.) An Austrian hacker has released a virus that uses Vista Beta 1's new command shell (code-named Monad) and actually includes a tutorial about writing other Monad-based viruses. "Monad will be like Linux's BASH [shell]," the hacker noted. "We will be able to make as huge and complex scripts as we do in Linux." The virus is categorized as proof-of-concept only and doesn't do anything harmful. But it raises some interesting concerns.
WARNING: The content of this e-mail is purely fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblence to any person, organization, events, or other entities – living or dead – is purely coincidental.
Internal email from Microsoft Executive John Conner of the Inhuman Resources Division. Intercepted via temporal vortex created by the Microsoft Borg (formerly “Microsoft AntiSpyware”).
To: T-1000
CC: B. Gates
From: J. Conner
Subject: Termination Order
Importance: Urgent
Sensitivity: Medium
Sent: 2:39pm July 8, 2012
Our research division has shown that 87% users chose to uninstall the pre-installed version of Internet Explorer 7 in Windows Vista released last week. We did some extensive digging and have found that the root cause of this is a small “supposedly insignificant” article written by Paul Thurrott back in mid-2005 about boycotting IE. Our shares have dropped drastically because of this. Bill has personally asked for your “special touch” in this matter. He particularly praised your handling of that Netscape matter back around the turn of the millennium.
Your primary objective is: Terminate Paul Thurrott.
Direct termination is not an option. It is recommended that you travel back in time to August 2005, and instruct the SWAT Team (referred to as the Microsoft Legal Division back then) to start harassing Thurrott with petty matters at first. Get him all riled up. Facilitate a state of agitation. He will make mistakes. Our recon shows he is prone to writing before thinking. Take full advantage of that weakness. Once everyone starts dismissing him comments, and unsubscribes from his newsletter, you are authorized to enter the Thurrott residence and initiate termination protocols. Do not leave any evidence.
Secondary Objective: You are to self destruct after the primary objective is achieved. If possible, initiate self destruction inside the Mozilla foundation building.
Report to the Microsoft® Time® Machine® (formerly code name “Bull”) in Building 398 at 0700 hours tomorrow. I’ll see you off myself.
Thanks,
John
STANDING INSTRUCTIONS: Delete all e-mails regarding the Microsoft Inhuman Resources Division after reading them. Failure to do so will result in immediate termination.
Paul, don’t sit on your computer with your back to the window. If you see a red dot on your screen – duck! We are trying to salvage and send back an old T-800 model built to silently replace the former Californian Governor in 2004.
Good luck to all of us.
Tux
Now that I've blogged this, I'm going to go hide somewhere before Warner Bros, Arnie, Bill, Linus, or all of the above try to kill me. In case you are a lawyer for these parties, I didn't do it - I was in Cleveland that week!!