My new article is featured on front page of the newly relaunched angryCoder.com.

But like developers, designers also have healthy egos measured in tons. Stick a single developer in a team of designers and he or she will be chewed to death in a matter of minutes. Black shirts hide bloodstains easily - why do you think designers wear only black?

Read the entire article at angryCoder.com

Articles | Geek Stuff | Philosophy | WPF

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A good family friend and the editor of Rediff.com (India's biggest portal) wrote an article about me and Nukeation.com is now temporarily out of service due to the Slashdot Effect.

If you're interested in knowing about my boring history, you can read the article at http://shrinkster.com/jmo or http://www.rediff.com/getahead/2006/nov/01outsource.htm. The story is also on the front page at rediff.com.

Articles | Geek Stuff | Microsoft | My Insignificant Life | Philosophy | Purely Idiotic Stuff | WPF

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Fighting the borg with a lightsaber. It works, but it doesn't fit.

Geek Stuff | Philosophy

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Two timelines, the same mistakes. Warped mistakes, perhaps.

Yoda said it were his strict static rules that were the cause of the Jedi Order's fall. The Sith adapted for a thousand years, the Jedi did not.

Now, Luke Skywalker, decades later, decides that perhaps the "old way" was the best. "Know not, the cause of our failure, he does" Yoda might say. But it all comes back to the "spark" of the New Jedi Order - when Yoda trained Luke. Obi-Wan merely taught him the basics of the Force, he did not have a chance to do more. Yoda, despite his acknowledgement of his failings, and perhaps even against the original teachings of the Jedi, forged Luke not as an heir to the Jedi heritage, but rather as a Lightsaber. A weapon, with the sole purpose of correcting the Jedi's last mistake - Anakin Skywalker and his Sith Master.

Yoda put his faith in the Unifying Force, not Luke, to rekindle the flame of the Jedi Order. But the Living Force had other plans for Luke. It was Luke's strong strength in the Living Force that made him interrupt his training to save his friends - and even sacrifice himself to do so, and unknowingly perhaps even the Galaxy itself. It was his connection to the Living Force that saw the good in Anakin - which only Padmé's love had seen. It was his unknowing faith in the Living Force that brought out the good in Anakin, and led not only to rectify the Order's biggest failure, but to help bring peace (well, sort of) to the Galaxy - and more importantly - fulfill the Chosen One's prophecy by giving Anakin the strength to bring balance to the Force.

But with the new times came a New Jedi Order. The New Jedi Order was built on the "Light Side", but the war with Yuuzhan Vong and Jacen's experiences gave the Jedi - for the first time in millenia - a new view of the Force. Not in terms of Light and Dark, but as a whole.

However, it is not without danger. The Jedi's new understanding is incomplete. The Dark Side was called so for good reasons. Yoda, the Grandmaster of the Order, contrary to popular belief, did carry a darkness with him. Something lost in time. A long ago incident that made him (and perhaps other then Masters) to revise the Order's teachings. To shun teaching aspects of the Force to Padawans and apprentices that may give them an unwitting path to the Darkness within. It was, sort of, decreed that if a Master was ready to learn the higher secrets of the Force, he or she would be guided to do so by the Force itself. And many did, like Quinlan Vos, and especially the blind Jed Master Zao. They followed the authority of the Force first, not the Republic or the Jedi Order itself.

Luke's Jedi Order - which is apt to call it that since Luke is now forced to "take command" - is the Jedi in its second (?) infancy. Will they discover the mistakes of old, or will they learn from new mistakes they make themselves? Balance is there only to be tipped, and then to be restored again. Will there be a new Chosen One? Will he or she be from the blood of the earlier Chosen of the Force? Will the darkness that will inevitable threaten the Jedi come from within or from outside?

In the unending questions of fate, destiny, right, wrong, Jedi, Sith, life, death, peace, war, supernovas and blackholes, only one constant exists: The Force. And it will have its will done, one way or the other.

Philosophy | Star Wars

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Have you ever noticed that there is a very thin line between cute and creepy when it comes to children's things. For example, CLOWNS. They scare me!

Maybe it has to do with growing up watching the Joker on Batman. Then again, if you take in the 60s Batman show, well, Batman scared me more than Joker in that one.

Darth Maul, the guy who scared everyone, was inspired by conceptul artist, Ian McCaig's fears of clowns.

Forget clowns. Take any nursery rhyme. Empty the stage, add some soft hollow music, or worse a simple monotonous piece of piano music, and with just a small twist in the voice, you can make a cutesy-pie children's song into something that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

If the children are the future, and an asset we need to safeguard, then why subject them to such cruel things?! If I had a kid, I would feel much better if he or she had a Darth Vader doll and practiced force-choking people than have a clown with shiny eyes!

Excuse me, I gotta go throw away some of my niece's toys!

Philosophy | Purely Idiotic Stuff

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When the Darkness took the Galaxy, and the Jedi were being purged, Yoda told Qui-Gon:

"My failure, this was. Failed the Jedi, I did. Too old I was, too rigid. Too arrogant to see tht the old way is not the only way. Changed, has the Galaxy. Changed, the Order did not - because let it change, I did not."

The Dark Side holds a key to great understanding, which Yoda learned much later - after he died, quite possibly. "The brightest light casts the darkest shadow."

The way of the Force is balance. The Jedi became more conservative over the years as Jedi left the Order and fell to the Dark path. They only wanted to protect their own. But life cannot be contained, and the Dark Side is just as much part of life as the Light. The Jedi started becoming too righteous. The younger ones and even some older ones - including Yoda himself - started seeing Light as the only right - and in that itself, the Order was doomed.

Decades later, a young Jedi of the Skywalker bloodline, Jacen Solo, metaphorically threw away his lightsaber after fighting the Yuuzhan Vong and learning great secrets of the Force. He went on a "pilgrimage" of the Force. Wandering the galaxy and learning of the White Current, the ways of the Aing-Tii, and others. In his fight with the Yuuzhan Vong, and especially in his captivity on Yuuzhan'tar, Jacen learned of the Dark's reality. He helped Luke (and other Jedi) realize the greater concept of the Force. That it is the action that is "Light" or "Dark" - the Force itself is complete and inseperable.

Luke Skywalker is no stranger to the Dark Side. But the new understanding of the Force - something even the Old Jedi Order didn't have, or perhaps long along the way - the Jedi are more powerful and dangerous (to themselves as well). Luke hurled Force Lightning while saving Jacen and Jaina on Yuuzhan'tar (a few moments before Jacen saved the galaxy and understood the higher levels of the Force) and will probably be seen again in The Swarm War.

The Jedi Code is now invalid. The Sith Code is now invalid.

But the Light Side and the Dark Side still exist. They're safer, yet they're more dangerous. Can a Jedi truly flirt with the Dark and remain clean?

Only time will tell.

To be continued...

Philosophy | Star Wars

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A being "lost" to the Dark Side is shown as a typical maelstrom of anger-hatred-selfishness-ruthlessness. Through the ages - Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker, Exar Kun, Vos, Dooku, Ventress, C'boath, Malak, and many others. But the Dark Side goes much deeper and has many faces.

This panel is from Republic #50. That's Anakin. "ought to be" is the key. Many turn for the more raw darkness, some fall victim to the Dark, like Anakin. His only dream was to bring peace, and save his love from death. It's difficult to see the terminator line. And even when you see it sometimes, it is difficult to know which side you are on. Padawan Bariss Offee described the Dark Side as "feeling very right".

Yes, anger fuels the dark side, but there are many who go over for willingly and don't show their rage. Emperor Palpatine was very much like that. He fed on pain. His only anger-filled outbursts were when Mace Windu and the other Masters came to arrest him, and many years later when Luke said "You have failed, your Highness. I am a Jedi. Like my Father before me." But even that lasts less than a few seconds.

Palpatine's manipulative powers spanned outside the Force as well. He hardly had to use the Force to turn Anakin. Which is a scary thought. Because if a non-Jedi can do that ... it can exist in our world.

But back to my original point, the popular image is that once Anakin did the things he did, he became a monster filled with anger and hatred. But that anger had the scent of death in it. It wasn't raw psychopathic anger. It was not the essence of who he was, but rather a permanent effect that had settled on him. He had lost his mother, then Qui-Gon - the only man who saw him for who he truly was, and any others. Even the person who he thought of as his brother turned on him and left him in lava pit to burn to death. And he lost Padme, the only person who really loved him. The person who has his balance point. And every living moment he blames himself for failing everyone he loved (except maybe Obi-Wan) and his anger is towards himself and his frustration - his failings.

Matthew Stover described this best:

   And there is one blazing moment in which you finally understand that there was no dragon. That there was no Vader. That there was only you. Only Anakin Skywalker.

   That it was all you. Is you.

   Only you.

   You did it.

   You killed her.

   You killed her because, finally, when you could have saved her, when you could have gone away with her, when you could have been thinking about her, you were thinking about yourself. . .

   It is in this blazing moment that you finally understand the trap of the dark side, the final cruelty of the Sith-

   Because now your self is all you will ever have.
  
   In the end, the shadow is all you have left. Because the shadow understands you, the shadow forgives you, the shadow gathers you unto itself-

   And within your furnace heart, you burn in your own flame. This is how it feels to be Anakin Skywalker. Forever . . .

To be continued...

Philosophy | Star Wars

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This is what I am going to label the Sadness Paradox. Listen carefully ... I've been playing KOTOR over the weekend so I'm still in RPG mode.

Avalon will be more appreciated by the end-users than by developers. But end-users will be able to appreciate Avalon only if the developers appreciate Avalon.

Wrap your grey matter around that one.

Avalon | Philosophy

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Okay, so I've gone far, but not far enough. This is gonna take me far enough. What you ask? A conversation with my best friend, Parvez, on MSN right now has convinced me that I should do this.

<drumroll>

I'm restarting the work on the long lost thesis on The Force. I started writing this a few years back. Now I intend to finish and publish it. I might even put it up for consideration for a literary or philosophical degree at some university even - not sure about that tho. But it will happen.

More to come on The Force: a thesis.

My Insignificant Life | Philosophy | Purely Idiotic Stuff | Star Wars

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As technologies converge and new frontiers are born, so are new roles. WPF (fka Avalon) is creating a new role for the designer in world of software development. Previously, the closest a designer would get to programming was if he or she was a Flash artist (or "Flasher").

The couple of weeks ago, I was helping a buddy of mine learn Flash (remotely via MSN!). Now, this guy is a pure designer. You give him a piece of paper and a pencil, or maybe even tablet and Photoshop, and he's the best. Now he finds himself in a new environment that requires him to script. No GUI tasks in that. And if you have done Flash you know its pure coding that makes it work. Not to make fun of him, but he found having to write stuff like...

stop();

on(rollOver){gotoAndPlay("Over");}

on(rollOut){gotoAndPlay("Out");}

... difficult. He almost gave up Flash because of it! He's now getting better at it of course.

Let's go over to the other side. A client of mine likes to dabble with Flash now and then. We were talking and he told me how dull and unproductive the Flash IDE (imho, it's hardly a DE, let alone IDE) was. He was asking me if it was worth it to upgrade to Flash 8. I doubt any "true" programmer (or !=0 programmer ) would be comfortable in a IDE that has only 600x200 pixels worth of coding area.

If you're familiar with the fantasy genre (no I don't play D&D) there are mages and there are warriors. Warriors fight with their senses and the "physical" world. Mages work with the abstract and create wonderous as well as horrible things. Warriors = logic, and Mages = abstract or intuitive. And thus, software developers are like warriors, while designers are like mages.

And as we know the both don't get along too well.

This is a topic in which I'm quite well-versed. For you see, not to brag, but I'm one of the rare Warrior Mages. I've been programming since the age of 3 or 4. I've been designing/drawing since 3 or 4 - maybe earlier. There are others like Nathan Dunlap (www.designerslove.net) who used to be a designer only and is now getting quite good with .NET thanks to XAML and WPF.

I don't know if WPF (and /E) will be able to kill Flash or not, but it will certainly require all of us to learn how to better work with Designers. I suppose people who work in web development teams have a headstart on this.

As it will soon be announced on the official site, this month Nukeation passed the figure of 78 billion (that's 78,000,000,000+) pixels published. That is the count of pixels in the images we have used in projects. And it gives me great pride to say that more than 12 billion of those have been for software-based graphics. A few million from that figure belongs exclusively to Borg.

Software with great graphics are really more successful (provided they have actual functionality too). If you haven't tried XAML and WPF yet, go do it now. If you're a developer, start learning how to work with a designer. If you're a designer, start learning about logic.

In the game industry (which has the most active designer-developer interactions) there is a liason role - a person who knows about programming logic and design tactics. They help bridge the gap and help both parties work nicely with each other.

Unfortunately, this will not be probable or possible in the normal software development community, I think. Not at the budgets we (the "average" devs) work with - in terms of both time and money. Maybe Microsoft can afford it, but I think more than 90% of the industry would not be able to.

So the best thing for everyone is if they learned the "physics" of the other's work. If nothing else, just learn the limits of the technologies involved and what's possible and what's not. It migth save everyone a lot of time.

If you have any designer/developer stories, I'd love to hear 'em!

Happy cod(esign)ing.

Geek Stuff | Graphics | Philosophy | WPF

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There wasn't much to see :-( it wasn't even a quarter eclipse this side of the planet, let alone a full one!

Philosophy

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I know I'm gonna get some hate mail from the Anti-MS people out there, but I already get that, so I'm just gonna say it. I'm tired of hearing Big Bad Microsoft. Yes, you know who you are, mac.

For the past 4 or so years, I've been in touch with many people at Microsoft. And they've been so nice and helpful. I wasn't even a Microsoft Partner Program member back then, but they were still really nice to me. Till date there hasn't been an incident where I've seen any 'attitude' from any Microsoftie. I've always gotten good advice, good tools, and met some good people who are really passionate about their work. They've helped my business grow. They're good to me, so I'm good to them.

My ISV Buddy (a special contact inside Microsoft that participating ISVs are assigned) is a great guy and has been very helpful in many a projects and the general goals of my company. And even when Microsoft says "Beta versions are not supported", they still get you enough help that anyone with more than three braincells can get his problem solved.

So where does this Big Bad Microsoft image come from? Maybe its the lawsuits and all that legal stuff. While I don't know much about US Commerce and Trade Laws, I still think that forcing Microsoft to rip out all the good stuff from their OS (ie, IE or WMP) or trying to force them to reveal their code, is preposterous. I'm not gonna bad mouth Linux or any open-source communities and/or proponents. I say let them be. I have nothing against open-source. I just don't want to use it myself. I'll save my flames for the lawsuits for another post, and get back to the point.

People bitch about IE and Windows and Microsoft in general all the time, but they are still using Windows. I say, yell all you want, but it won't be a valid point until you shift to a Mac OSX or something else and then say what you want to say. I may or may not agree with you, but I will respect you. Boycott Microsoft, THEN TALK. Of course, then again, if you're not using MS products and still bitch about it, then you're insulting me and my choice - and that's personal, bub!

A good friend of mine (who'll probably kill me for blogging about this) said "Microsoft killed my beloved Netscape". Really? Did Bill Gates take a butcher knife and go slit Netscape's throat in a dark back alley? (Who is the head of Netscape, btw? I should find that out sometime). Maybe Microsoft Covert Operations (formerly codenamed "Cloak and Dagger") took a bunch of choppers and landed on Netscape's roof and killed people and set fire to their building?

What pisses me off even more is people who have not had any real connection to Microsoft saying bad things about it. That's just wrong. Judging Microsoft because it's CEO allegedly said "I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to [expletive deleted] kill Google." is wrong. Judge him if you want to. Maybe Steve Ballmer's attitude or business concepts are bad (tho it's not what I personally believe. Then again, I do find Ballmer a bit intimidating even tho I havent seen him in person), but it still doesn't qualify the entire entity to become a bad thing.

The simple truth is, people are making a choice. If the Microsoft opponents want to make a difference, they should spend their time publicizing their open-source OSes and programs instead of slagging Microsoft all the time.

A kind request to the Microsoft opponents, please, PLEASE, make POINTS. Give us some valid points. Not some competing grocery shops and free delivery service advantage anologies. Valid points.

And remember, Microsoft and it's competitors can peacefully coexist. They just have to keep up.

To quote one of the rare movies about .NET, "Special Thanks to Microsoft for empowering slobs like us"

PS. FYI, I've been on the other side. I was there in the Java trenches, and the PHP compound, the whole "LAMP" thing. It wasn't that much fun. So dont bother saying I dont have a wide enough perspective!

Geek Stuff | My Insignificant Life | Philosophy

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The rise of the Empire made Yoda realize that his cherished traditions, traditions he had kept intact for almost a millenium were no longer applicable. The Jedi did not adapt as the Sith had. And Palpatine was right - "Your arrogance blinds you, Master Yoda.". The Jedi did become too arrogant in their righteousness. They kept a strong net of principles that guided their actions and philosophies and kept them from falling. But the net itself was not perfect.

Yoda and Obi-Wan took it upon themselves to raise the Chosen One's children, hoping that their strength in the Force would be enough to defeat the two Sith ruling the galaxy. But as Corran Horn once noted during his short stint at the Jedi Academy, they were forging a lightsaber. They wanted to make Luke into a Force Warrior. In the tradition of the Old Jedi Order. A sword of Light to banish the Darkness.

But Luke was, as Obi-Wan's spirit told him - "Not the Last of the Jedi, but the First of the New". He succeeded - both in his mission to destroy the Sith, and in the real philosophy of the Jedi. He trusted his feelings - he did not listen to Yoda or Obi-Wan - and he learnt the hard truth about his Father. He also saw through the Mask. He saw the good that was the core of Anakin Skywalker. And it was he who fought the Dark Side in himself and made his father realize that good that he saw in him. He gave his father the strength to fulfill his destiny - to bring balance to the Force.

Luke's New Jedi Order did not have the knowledge of the Old. It was born to infancy in the Force, and must learn it's ways by trial and error. The New Order adapts. And Luke Skywalker, Ben Skywalker, and Jacen Solo carry it's torch into the new era.

Luke carries the Dark Side within him. And he is not afraid to use the more potent forms of the Force - namely Force Lightning a la Emperor Palpatine - when the greatest need arose - as in the last book of the New Jedi Order series, The Unifying Force, when both his nephew and niece were in the jaws of death courtest of the Yuuzhan Vong. And we can expect a similar Force display in the last book of the Swarm War trilogy by Troy Denning.

Luke may not have as high a midi-chlorian count as Anakin, but it is greater than Yoda's. Luke carries with him uncertainty. He is afraid. And treads the path between the two halves of the Force - in Balance. It is as Obi-Wan told Anakin - "Only the Sith deal in absolutes."

Philosophy | Star Wars

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Maybe it is all the stress of working overtime, or maybe it's the PDC trauma, but suddenly, Palpatine's Dark Side speeches to Anakin, and Dr. Breen's insistent monologues on the public screens in City 17, are starting to make sense.

If you ever see me with a red lightsaber or babbling stuff about Instinct no longer being needed, please run away - for your own sake.

Funny thing is - according to the rules of the Dark Side, Dr. Breen is actually talking about the Jedi way, not the Sith way. One man's poison...

Games | Philosophy | Purely Idiotic Stuff | Star Wars

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People say RPGs (or Role Playing Games) are like real life. Well, what many people don't get is that life is RPG as well. It's a subtle thing - but the "righteous" character loving RPG'ers might have a better handle on life than the rest.

Life is all about INF (Influence), DEX (Dexterity), REP (Reputation), and of course, Money.

INF is the main modifier in life. Especially business. While I'm not a hardcore RPG fan, I love Morrowind and KOTOR. And I've learned from them.

For example, some months ago, I was new in "town" and did not have much of a REP value. So I helped out this established Lord in the town. I gained INF, and because he told everyone in town about me, my REP went wayyyy up and I got new work.

Don't you sometimes wish that RPGs were even more open ended? Well, try playing RPG in real life - its as freakin' open ended as could be. Just be careful - there are no Quick Loads and Quick Saves here.

Games | My Insignificant Life | Philosophy | Star Wars

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This becomes more of a project now wavering between an animated short or a novella with a frickin' cool cover and a few visuals.

In any case, it's supposed to be set in a world somewhere between Neo-Tokyo and Cyrodiil. Let's see where this goes.

For now I leave you with a three cool wallpapers. 3M+ renders.

1280x1024 1024x819	1280x1024 1024x819	1280x1024 1024x819

Art | Games | Geek Stuff | Graphics | My Insignificant Life | Philosophy | Downloads

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This had to happen y'know. Too much GitS, GitS:Innocence, and GitS:SAC results in stuff like this. Especially when you add the already philosophical mode I usually am in.

Here's the first draft of something "complete" I've written in a LONG time.

Sentience.pdf (38.61 KB) Copyright © 2005 Dax Pandhi. All rights reserved.

Want more? Here's some geeky philosophy.

Developer Tools - be it Visual Studio or some lowly plugin - it is a form of perpetual motion. It winds its own spring, and keeps going, and going, and going. Now that's something to think about.

Articles | Geek Stuff | My Insignificant Life | NukeBall | Philosophy

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Excerpt from a recent highly philosophical and self-insight filled e-mail written at 3am to a close friend after having a great long distance phone conversation. Please bear in mind, these are some very delicate, personal feelings that I'm sharing and I only ask that you be gracious when reading it.

From: Dax Pandhi

To: Unknown

Subject: Epilogue

Hey ...

In retrospect, I think some of my comments were a bit distorted. No, I'm not talking about the audio quality. Aside from sleep deprivation (which is a normal thing for me nowadays), I'm not used to talking. Talking as in with my mouth. I rely too much on text conversations via MSN Messenger and all. I keep placing human beings in a mechanistic paradigm. While I do have a certain degree of "love" and understanding for the machinist and nihilistic philosophies of the early 20th century, I think my work is affecting me. Hence, my saying I will leave it someday. Anyways, before I go off topic and forget what I was gonna say (finally found that digital note I scribbled) here it is.

[ irrelevant content removed ]

The bitch of it all is however that I just remembered that while I did want to share these thoughts, it is not what I intended to ask. And now even with sleep deprivation, I think I'll have to use a mallet on my head to get some sleep, because I'll probably be trying to remember what I forgot. Why do we always need to remember things we forgot? It just makes it all so much harder!

I prefer a direct, non-calculatory, non-scientific (?), non-logical, mind-to-matter approach. I (and probably have been for some time), as they used to say in the ol' west, am gonna wing it. :) Life is much better when you know less - about your life, about yourself, and about the future - unpredictability is the oxygen - especially for a moi. Then again, when the Moon goes dark, I become a micro-manager. Arrgh. I'm gonna be the death of me. :P

At this point in time, I'm only partly conscious and feel like I've been drinking one too many vodkas so don't mind any stupid blabbering I might write or have already written. Then again I don't really like vodka - must be why I feel like crap - I like dark rum above everything else. Never took to beer. Which is good coz Gujarat is a dry state - alcohol is illegal. Damn governments.

"As Good As It Gets" is starting on TV. Am gonna go watch that. I especially love the part when Jack Nicholson suddenly yells in the shrink's office "What if this is as good as it gets?" - maybe that's how life should be lived - like "right now" is the best your life is ever gonna get. Of course, the dark cloud behind that silver lining is that it makes you live in a permanent fear of tomorrow. OH GOD! You're right. About me loving to instigate things, just like you said. Hmm. Maybe you know me better than I do. Okay, next time I'm trying to figure myself out, I'll just ask you. Of course, if I want to ask you I'll probably have to write it down otherwise I'll forget like today and will probably drive myself crazy - even more so if I think of another thing to ask you and remind myself that I had yet one more thing to ask you which I forgot before and still don't remember. Exponential damage. Now THAT would be the death of me.

Sigh. Never mind the senile blabbering of this old buffoon. I'll go watch the movie and pass on silently into the night. Of course, that's damn poetic only until I wake up in the morning feeling young again and start ripping everything apart like hell only to exhaust myself after 48 hours and start feeling old and thinking that I feel like I've been drinking too many vodkas - which I wouldn't like coz I never took to the taste of Vodka. I like dark rum above everything else. Never took to beer as well. Which is good coz Gujarat is a dry state - booze is illegal. Damn those government bastards.

See - old people forget. Damn I'm getting old. Arrgh. There's one of those grey hairs again.

Paradigms, paradoxes, secrets of life, and mysteries enfolding them all - nothing is worth a strong, solid mallet which helps you sleep rather than those other things. A mouse named Jerry taught me that. :)

Okay - I'm going now. Really.

G'night, or g'day - whichever it is for you. :)

Dax

PS. I will understand if your murderous instincts come out after reading this e-mail. I don't blame you. Right now, I want to kill myself too. Of course, being old, I'll forget that feeling and start liking myself again and then go on blabbering more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and then some more until I want to kill myself. Of course, being old I will forget that feeling and start liking myself again and then go on blabbering... :P

PPS. WOW! You're still reading this? Damn. You deserve a lot more credit that I give you. Then again, you probably will always deserve more credit no matter how much I give you. That sentence seems negative, but believe me, that's not how I meant it. Btw, it was great to talk to you. Let's do it again soon.

If you would like to sign that petition about locking me up in a mental asylum, please see Dr. Igor Schmeckle. If you would like to offer your condolences to my family, please contact them directly. If you found this post humorous or hysterical, I think you're a heartless jerk! But I won't mind, coz I'll probably forget about it by morning. Right now, I feel like I've had one too many vodkas - which I wouldn't like coz I never took to the taste of Vodka. I like dark rum above everything else. Never took to beer as well. Which is good coz Gujarat is a dry state - booze is illegal. Damn those government bastards.

My Insignificant Life | Philosophy | Purely Idiotic Stuff

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So (Oh my God, I'm starting to talk like a Microsoftie!) as you may know, I'm a fan of sci-fi and sci-fantasy. Star Wars rates at #1, and Star Trek somewhere below it.

After reading almost a hundred Star Wars books, I picked up a couple of old Star Trek TNG paperbacks from the local bookstore. And while I do love 'em both, I think Star Wars is certainly more imaginative. Here's an example:

If there was an analogy to be made, in Star Wars the author would write, "The plant resembled an overgrown kowakian monkey-lizard."

In Star Trek (I'm reading ALL GOOD THINGS, at the moment), Worf is thinking, "The eskimos of 20th century North America had 16 words for ice, and Klingon only have 1 word for Honor."

WHY EARTH? WHY ALWAYS EARTH? AND WHY ALWAYS 20th FREAKIN' CENTURY EARTH? At least you can add another similarity to some fictional planet.

Looking back, Star Trek - the original series and the next generation (tho I think ENTERPRISE is better in this regard) seems more like a history trek than a futuristic trek. I love Picard. He's a fantastic, eloquent, elegant character. But his deep, deep nostalgia for 20th century crap is just too much.

Trekkies? Where art thy imagination?

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It's been a while since I blogged. So here's a roundup of the main events that probably 2 and a half people care about!

DigitalExile.net is live!

My long planned personal site (after the demise of after-images.net) is now finally live. www.digitalexile.net

There are lots of new photographs available (for licensing, too), and my art collection and written works will be added soon. There's also a download section with small apps, wallpapers, and some random stuff available for download. Or will be soon.

My Blog rates #1 in searches

A pleasent surprise - I saw a referer tag in my server log for this blog (hey, that rhymes!) - for someone searching for "Pandhi" (my last name, you dumbass!). I decided to follow that search link on Yahoo and voila - the #1 (and many subsequent links) are for this very blog as well as my corporate site www.nukeation.com! The same is on Google. But there, my corporate site is first, and the blog after that. Needless to say I like Yahoo! better than Google. The blog is at #1 even if you search for Dr. JJ Rawal

Republic Commando still the best!

I play an hour of Republic Commando every night before I go to bed with Gratu'acuun ringing in my ears. This is better than Half-Life (1 or 2) and Doom combined. They're great games, but this just ROCKS MY WORLD!

Radio Acting Debut

A few weeks ago, I made my recording debut as the "Human Resources Executive of IBM" on the comedy online radio show MONDAYS (Episode 25) - download it! No, no. No autographs. You get a free autograph when you sign up for the Dax Pandhi Official Fanclub.

A GIG goes a long way

I finally added a gig of RAM to my 1GB system. Needless to say it works better. Though it generates more heat, I love the tradeoff.

Jungle Coast, Costa Rica

I'm helping out with the branding and e-solutions for a dear, dear friend Cynthia Najim's new real estate business. This is one of those fun projects I rarely get anymore (if you're a client of mine, no I didn't mean it like that - your projects are just important - this is just different coz there's unreal amounts of creative energy tingling it up). If you're looking for nice, affordable, and beautiful villas, cottages, or even farms - these are the people to call. Will post their website URL as soon as I finish it.

Am planning on going to Costa Rica next year, maybe.

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Wiping the blood and grime off my helmet, I look towards the bridge. Kachirho's lights shine in the distance. As the smoke clears, and the deafening explosions stop, I can see the blurred forms of my brothers holding off the enemy, giving me cover fire so I can help our fallen brother. I hear Four-Oh's heavy breathing and soft groans under me. I realize I am standing on top of Delta-40, his white and green armor dented and splattered with blood - not his own. I get him up and send him to heal up at the near by bacta dispenser.

Delta-07 - Sev - snipes the onslaught of SBD's - their grey headless bodies seemingly immune to the plasma shots. Scorch - Delta-62, makes a joke, easing the pain as always. Advisor's voice echoes in my helmet - "Delta 38, we need to destroy that bridge now!"

The battle for the Wookies' freedom rests upon us - four lone commandos against an endless supply of Battle Droids, Super Battle Droids, and Trandoshan slavers. I remember a trooper's remarks - "Look! Commandos! If they're as good as I hear they are, they can win the war all by themselves." I hope that's true.

With Four-Oh - Fixer - at 100%, I move to take Six-Two's position. "Scorch, I need some radical restructuring." I can feel his eyes light up even behind his plasteel faceplate. "Roger that, Boss."

I lob a EM grenade hoping to slow down the SBDs. Damn. They're too tough. "Four-Oh, man that turret." Maybe he can take out a few more of them with some heavy fire power. "Turret. Got it, Delta Lead."

Delta-62 fixes a large explosive to the ammo crates lying on the bridge the Seperatists require for their occupation of Kashyyyk. "Boss, we better get off this bridge before we blow it up." But we're surrounded. There is no time to waste. The only way out is to destroy the Droid dispensers.

I relenquish my cover and order some cover fire. Dodging the twig-legged droids, knocking some out with my vibro-blade, I move in. I hear Sev taking some shrapnel. I set up an explosive on the dispenser, and start to set the timer. The large bay door opens. A spider droid. Fifteen tons of pure armor and firepower.

The bridge and dispensers primed for an explosive finish, we prepare for what we've been trained to do: die for the Republic.

"We'll make 'em remember the day they tried to blow up Delta Squad."

Never before have I seen such a perfect fusion of action, military tactics, breathtaking graphics, superb AI, and war chants that makes you want to die for your cause. STAR WARS: REPUBLIC COMMANDO is one of the BEST GAMES ever! It certainly knocked DOOM3 from first place on my list. Instead of the "lofty perspective of the Jedi", this games takes you into the trenches as you command 3 elite Clone Commandos - DELTA SQUAD - in 3 dangerous missions - Clone Wars: Zero Hour on Geonosis, repelling an invasion on the Republic Assault Ship PROSECUTOR in space, and a special mission on Kashyyyk that would end the Clone Wars. And while you play, whenever the going gets tough, the music keeps your spirits high. This is THE best game to come out from LucasArts (yes, they made this in-house - no outsourcing) EVER!

Baritone voices sing old Mandalorian war songs: (all songs are available for download at the site. I recommend VODE AN, RAGE OF THE SHADOW WARRIORS, and GRAT'UA CUUN, as well as the ambient tunes THE JUNGLE FLOOR, COMM INTERFERENCE, and KACHIRHO BY NIGHTVISION)

Kandosii sa ka'rta, Vode an.

(One indomitable heart, Brothers all.)

Coruscanta a'den mhi, Vode an.

(We, the wrath of Coruscant, Brothers all.)

Bal kote, darasuum kote, Jorso'ran kando a tome.

(And glory, eternal glory, We shall bear its weight together.)

Sa kyr'am Nau tracyn kad, Vode An.

(Forged like the saber in the fires of death, Brothers all.)

This music can literally set your blood on fire as you play the game and immerses you into the world of the Commando. It's the BEST soundtrack a game ever had. PERIOD!

You fight hand-to-hand as well as with your DC-17 modified blaster. Every close hit is rewarded with a generous splatter of sickly yellow geonosian blood on your face, which your helmet visor wipes with a laser wiper.

 Delta-38 "Boss" - Delta Leader

 Delta-07 "Sev" - Sniper / Weapons

 Delta-62 "Scorch" - Demolitions

 Delta-40 "Fixer" - Slicer (Hacker) / Tech

You issue commands to your 3 brothers - Delta 07, Delta 40, and Delta 62. Each has a distinct personality and voice (just coz you're clones don't mean you can't have a different accent - which are picked up from their respective instructors). You have the voice of Jango Fett - which was marvelously voiced by Temeura Morrison himself.

The missions are fast paced, dangerous, and set in breathtaking environments. And when you set NIGHT VISION on, it feels more real than a movie. The visuals look as if it is REAL. Just plain real. Mind boggling.

The game is based on the Unreal II engine (modified, of course). It shames the graphics of Unreal II. Then again, Unreal II was shameful in many ways. But the engine is, in fact, quite cool. Republic Commando shows its power very nicely.

The whole game often doesn't feel like a Star Wars game. The credits music is high-pitched rock music. The soundtrack is Mandalorian war chants. And the only time you see a lightsaber is when you see a deadbody of a Clone trooper who tried to use it. That's when your character says "An elegant weapon for a more civilized time. Well, guess what ... times have changed!"

I wish they would've added a mission from Episode III, where they escort Obi-Wan to Utapal. 3 missions seem a bit "small" once you've played it 6 times in 4 days. But it still rocks. Especially the one-liners. "Baby wookies? Nah, too cute." or "Boss, we gotta place a charge here, and I'm not saying this 'cause I like to blow stuff up."

The end is cool too. Very military-movie like. And you get a special appearance by General Greivous and Master Yoda. George Lucas took interest in the game too. It was his idea to give colored, personalized armor to each Commando - something he was thinking of doing in Episode III.

I recommend you go see the trailer on www.swcommando.com and then listen to the music and download the demo, and then order the game!!

It runs FANTASTIC on a GeForce FX / 128MB. Though a gig of RAM didn't hurt. :) And don't be afraid of this game if you're not so good with games like Rainbow-Six and all - this is more suitable for the Doom 3 and Half-Life 2 players. Just go download the damn, demo! NOW, soldier!

Delta Squad, move out!

KACHIRHO BY NIGHTVISION

There is also a book based on this game by Karen Traviss, called STAR WARS: Republic Commando - HARD CONTACT. Cool book. Worth reading.

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Sigh. Another year - gone. At the height of my depression, I wanted to write something like Rory Blyth but I've plagerized more than my share of things over the last year.

Someone told me that I had reached "quarter-life", but I insisted that it's mid-life for me. How? Well, aside from the mid-life crisis, I'm turning into a nihilistic, machinistic, pessimist. So, they say pessimistic people die young, so I'm at mid-life now.

But then again I'm too optimistic to be pessimistic. But even my most optimistic thoughts have pessimistic points. While I can also find the silver lining in the darkest of clouds. Any doubt I'm a Gemini? Sigh. This damned polarity can be annoying at times.

But right now, as I write this depressing note, I'm feeling quite happy. Why? Well, first it's my birthday and I'll be spending it with my family. Second, tomorrow morning I get The Sith Lords (KotoR2) and Republic Commando and will probably waste half the weekend on it. Third, no matter how old I get, I'll probably be the youngest out of everyone I know (excluding my niece).

At the end of the day, I guess I don't feel old. Just wiser.